Sexuality

Hey. I’m bi. That means I’m sexually attracted to men and women.

I’ve recently come out to a number of people and, in publishing this blogpost, will be coming out to approximately four more.

When I tell people about my sexuality, most people say ‘cool’ and the conversation moves on but a select few have a number of follow-up questions.

I’ve got a bit bored of answering the same queer-ies (lol) so I’ve prepared a very brief Q&A which might be helpful for those whose sexual politics are stuck in the 1920s.

Here we go:

Isn’t it a bit greedy?

Yes. Everyone knows there are a finite number of sexual partners out there. Me and my bisexual friends are hoarding them. Now, there’s no sex left for you. Unlucky.

Can’t you make your mind up?

Thanks for mentioning this. I’m actually really indecisive. At dinner parties, I’m regularly spotted seasoning my food with both salt AND pepper. I can hear people muttering ‘pervert’ but I carry on anyway. I am a monster.

I just don’t get it.

I know. That’s because I’m getting all of it and there’s none left for you. I’ve already explained this – please do keep up.

BONUS QUESTION: What do you actually ‘do’ with men?

You know the really disgusting thing? The one that makes everyone feel a bit sick? Every week, I meet up with a group of men and we do exactly that. It’s not been the same since it got cancelled but we’ve still got the old episodes. There’s nothing quite like watching Top Gear.

So that was it – a pretty comprehensive response to some of the key questions about this all-consuming and utterly destructive lifestyle.

Thanks for reading. Please feel free to share this with anyone you feel still needs to be enlightened. Bi for now (again, lol).

You can continue to ingest my sinful satire on Twitter: twitter.com/JamesEvans42